2022: current update

 hi.

a few days ago, I remembered my passion for writing and talking. I used to love writing here, updating my life, and posting random things that I like to share with people. I still love talking, but it changes. I don't talk to strangers anymore. If they talk to me, it will be a one-way conversation. 

let me tell you guys a story.

this semester break, I work 4 jobs as I have to save money for my next semester. for the first week of one of my jobs, my co-worker always updates her sister, who is my close friend about me. she will update her on my progress haha. I only talked to her (excluding the work-related) on the fifth day. but, I talked about just a few things. little that they know, I hate myself when I back home for talking to her. no hate for her, but I don't know. I feel so cringe at myself for talking about myself to other people. then, I took mbti test again.

mbti result: Apr 23, 2021

mbti result: Jul 22, 2022

my introvert level is increasing to the peak hahahhaahaha. if my 17-years-old me see this result, she would not believe me as I was 100% extroverted during my high school time. but I'm glad that I still can be my extroverted self if I'm with my close friend. But sometimes, I struggled to keep pace.

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today is actually a year after my father died. yup, he died. 02.10.2021. I miss him so badly. all the changes started in 2018, right after he got sick. colon cancer stage 4. may Allah accept him and his deeds. ameen inshaAllah.

al-fatihah.

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back to my current update: what are the changes from the post here would be;

- "crying-every-night" phase is not coming back alhamdulillah. but I would still cry from time to time. if I stumble upon any videos on social media about fathers, family, etc, I would easily cry. hehe. if I got too stressed about life, I cried. I cry for every reason sksksks. 

- I still hate to socialize with people. 

- I got my 9-years best friend back hehe. Alhamdulillah. But we are no longer close as we were. But we love each other. 

-  I am still trying to survive. 

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I'm nervous about my last semester at IIUM. next semester. it will be hectic af and I hope I can do my best and score it.

goodluck krmh. you can do it.

2020; lyfe update

Assalamualaikum and hi.

It's nice to start writing again... after almost a year. Lots of things has been changed. Me too. But i dont really think i have changed.

Do you remember my "overthinking" post last year in February? The link will be here. I would like to talk about it again. Just want to recap and update my current life with you guys.

I wrote about how I hate to meet new people. How I hate to be with stranger. How I hate to socialize with others. How I overthinking everything.

I have been passed "crying-every-night" phase as I am a lot more stronger than before. However, I stay the same as I still hate to meet a lot of people. I hate being with large circle of people. I hate to socialize with others. Yup, I repeat my last year sentences.

Here is my last month story. About a day after my birthday.
 
One day, I put my name on the volunteer list to in charge for a booth. For 2 hours period. There were a lot of people whose were not strangers for me. I knew all of them. But, I felt suffocated and exhausted there. I just kept quite and I really wanted to go back to my room as soon as I can. I felt like I wanted to cry. I cant be myself.

It's weird. I was scared to even talk to people.

I can't really figure it out the cause of my feelings. I just don't know....

And I even lost my best friend. My 7-years best friend. It was because of myself. I always called her just to cry my lung out. I don't know her problems as I just think about my own self. I'm a loser....

I still want to disappear from everyone. I want people to forget me. I just want....
But I am trying to survive here.
Make a du'a for me.
Thank you.
-krmh