Sunday 2 October 2022

2022: current update


a few days ago, I remembered my passion for writing and talking. I used to love writing here, updating my life, and posting random things that I like to share with people. I still love talking, but it changes. I don't talk to strangers anymore. If they talk to me, it will be a one-way conversation. 

let me tell you guys a story.

this semester break, I work 4 jobs as I have to save money for my next semester. for the first week of one of my jobs, my co-worker always updates her sister, who is my close friend about me. she will update her on my progress haha. I only talked to her (excluding the work-related) on the fifth day. but, I talked about just a few things. little that they know, I hate myself when I back home for talking to her. no hate for her, but I don't know. I feel so cringe at myself for talking about myself to other people. then, I took mbti test again.

mbti result: Apr 23, 2021

mbti result: Jul 22, 2022

my introvert level is increasing to the peak hahahhaahaha. if my 17-years-old me see this result, she would not believe me as I was 100% extroverted during my high school time. but I'm glad that I still can be my extroverted self if I'm with my close friend. But sometimes, I struggled to keep pace.


today is actually a year after my father died. yup, he died. 02.10.2021. I miss him so badly. all the changes started in 2018, right after he got sick. colon cancer stage 4. may Allah accept him and his deeds. ameen inshaAllah.



back to my current update: what are the changes from the post here would be;

- "crying-every-night" phase is not coming back alhamdulillah. but I would still cry from time to time. if I stumble upon any videos on social media about fathers, family, etc, I would easily cry. hehe. if I got too stressed about life, I cried. I cry for every reason sksksks. 

- I still hate to socialize with people. 

- I got my 9-years best friend back hehe. Alhamdulillah. But we are no longer close as we were. But we love each other. 

-  I am still trying to survive. 


I'm nervous about my last semester at IIUM. next semester. it will be hectic af and I hope I can do my best and score it.

goodluck krmh. you can do it.

Saturday 14 March 2020

2020; lyfe update

Assalamualaikum and hi.

It's nice to start writing again... after almost a year. Lots of things has been changed. Me too. But i dont really think i have changed.

Do you remember my "overthinking" post last year in February? The link will be here. I would like to talk about it again. Just want to recap and update my current life with you guys.

I wrote about how I hate to meet new people. How I hate to be with stranger. How I hate to socialize with others. How I overthinking everything.

I have been passed "crying-every-night" phase as I am a lot more stronger than before. However, I stay the same as I still hate to meet a lot of people. I hate being with large circle of people. I hate to socialize with others. Yup, I repeat my last year sentences.

Here is my last month story. About a day after my birthday.
One day, I put my name on the volunteer list to in charge for a booth. For 2 hours period. There were a lot of people whose were not strangers for me. I knew all of them. But, I felt suffocated and exhausted there. I just kept quite and I really wanted to go back to my room as soon as I can. I felt like I wanted to cry. I cant be myself.

It's weird. I was scared to even talk to people.

I can't really figure it out the cause of my feelings. I just don't know....

And I even lost my best friend. My 7-years best friend. It was because of myself. I always called her just to cry my lung out. I don't know her problems as I just think about my own self. I'm a loser....

I still want to disappear from everyone. I want people to forget me. I just want....
But I am trying to survive here.
Make a du'a for me.
Thank you.
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